[Re-blogging from IC]
A new friend suggested it would be cathartic to let go of 2007 whilst still in 2007… And put it behind me, and move on to 2008 with a clean slate…
2007 has been a watershed year. When this year began, I was 'happily' married, living in a 4-bedroom house in the suburbs of London, with a job that paid very well and which I enjoyed… I was even trying for a baby… The year ends, divorced, renting a one-bedroom in west London, unemployed, and discovering my kinky self… So many changes.
But, actually, whilst its been incredibly stressful because I'm not good dealing with change, and that stress has made me incredibly depressed at times, its all been positive. I've made conscious decisions to change my life to what I WANT my life to be… I'm still on the journey but I know I've (generally) made the right choices.
My marriage was never happy; very volatile (not violent) and very vanilla. Missionary sex with no foreplay every couple of months. So, I may have turned into a bit of a slut at times this year, but I've discovered that not only do I actually enjoy sex, but all those darker fantasies which were my Sunday morning pleasure, can be intensely enjoyable in real life… I thank those that have introduced me to those pleasures…
The job was never what I wanted to do. I enjoyed it and it gave me a comfortable living, but my dream has for years been to work in film. So, the breakdown of my marriage has given me the means to go for it, see if I can make my dreams come true… I intend to be a success, and to one day rival Harvey Weinstein for power in Hollywood… And if not, I'll at least have given it a go… I won't die thinking, I should have tried….
And I love living alone in the metropolis… Something totally liberating about doing what I want, when I want…
Other changes in 2007… I lost 40lbs after years of trying on and off… I love my new body, and love starting to feel beautiful. I got my tattoo, which I adore. I even started drinking coffee at the grand old age of 34…
I'm really glad 2007 is coming to an end. Some of the lows have been far too intense. But there have been highs to compensate. I'm looking forward to 2008, to making a new life, building on some new friendships and making more, and learning more about myself…
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