I had a dream [Jul.10]

And although 18 breasts on fire wasn't actually what I'd envisaged when I started Tipping the Velvet, it was certainly a most perfect and fitting end to what has been a wonderful dream, come true.

It was probably around about October 2008 when Misssy and I started to talk about starting a women's only play club. We wanted to create a place where women could be free to play without the prying eyes of men, where we could indulge ourselves, and play hard, play intimately, and, well, play... We first of all decided to have a trial run with invitations only to our close network of friends. We held that party in November 2008, and the atmosphere, the environment, the vibe, was so different to anything we'd experienced before, despite being in the same space as other club and kink events, we decided to launch in February 2009 and Tipping the Velvet was born. (Thanks must go to AndrexPuppy who came up with the name).

We set about trying to transform the space into something a little 'softer' - not because our play would be soft, but because we wanted it to be comfortable, relaxing, sensuous. I'm grateful to Ikea's marketplace where I purchased the red blankets, the vases, the flowers. Small touches, but they made a big difference. We've always had pampering treatments on offer (many thanks to all the lovely ladies who've donated their time to iron out our kinks - so to speak) and the option to sleep over, with breakfast the next day has given freedom to enjoy without worrying about drink/driving, london transport or expensive taxis.

When we launched, it was on a high. An idea had become a reality and it was everything it was supposed to be. I think there've been 10 Tipping the Velvets - 5 bi-monthly last year, and 5 this year. We've over 100 members and many regulars. For many ladies it has been their first kink event, a friendly and supportive introduction to clubbing and the scene. Tipping the Velvet has welcomed straight women, 'flexible' women, bi women, lesbian women, butch women, dyke women, trans women... In the club, at TtV, everyone has got on, had fun, laughed, cried, created memories, developed friendships. We are all just women, enjoying and exploring our kink.

But, outside of Tipping the Velvet, it's not that way. I stepped back from organising and running TtV this year because I was tired of all the gender politics, and it was really sucking the enjoyment out of it for me. I am forever grateful to Misssy for having a much thicker skin than me, and continuing to run the club by herself - and that's a lot of work, with little thanks. What a lot of people don't realise, is that we don't make a profit - it ran because of love, not money.

It wasn't only the whole trans women debate that took over the boards last year from September that took the joy out. We were never going to please everyone, and sometimes it felt like we weren't pleasing anyone. We were accused of being lipstick lesbians, only bi-curious, who just wanted to kiss the girls and squeal a little. Some members of the lesbian community said they wouldn't come because they didn't think 'their kind of play' would be welcome - the perception was because we did massages and facials, the play would be light. In truth, I've never observed so much 'edge' play in one night, ever before - and that was the case every TtV. We did get it wrong with no MtF policy initially; we learnt, we apologised, we moved on. But apparently that wasn't enough. We should also have been letting in the FtM's... which I simply cannot get my head around - they are men. I think I'd have preferred to let in the transvestites, because men as women are in women mode. FtM's totally identify as men. Isn't that the point? So, someone just asked me why aren't there more women only place spaces? And I say, because women can't agree on what that is.

I am truly sorry to see the end of TtV with the closure of the venue. It's been amazing to have a dream come true. I want to thank all our members, for building that dream for me, for creating the memories that I will always have. TtV was unique on the London scene (UK scene?) and I know that for many it's going will be a big loss.

Last night was everything that TtV was supposed to be. I had two massages and felt truly pampered. I lived out a dark fantasy scene where a knife was at my throat, and my dress and knickers were torn from me. I was brutally beaten and fucked. I was whipped. I saw my tormentress in turn submit so gracefully, and witnessed some beautifully intimate play. I met girls I'd never met before and made new friends. And, along with 8 other women, lying in a row, skin to skin, like sardines, my breasts were set on fire.

*sighs* Thank you for the memories.

rose