FFS! Some threads... [Jul.10]

...make me want to scream. And genuinely make me question the 'humanity' of humankind.

I am not allowing replies because I have no intention of starting a 4th thread on my own weblog. This is where I write my opinion.

There is no such thing as consensual non-consent. That is an oxymoron, i.e. it cannot exist. There is consent. And there is the absence of consent. If you hit someone with consent it's BDSM. If you hit someone without consent, it's assault. If you penetrate someone with consent, it's sex. If penetrate someone without consent, it's rape. This isn't rocket science.

Now, knowing that consent can be withdrawn at any time, even during the act, obviously makes it an uncomfortable subject for some people. And obviously in BDSM we often play very roughly, and are tied down/gagged and communication can be difficult. Which is why trust is so important. But it doesn't change that as soon as consent is withdrawn, what you are doing is either assault or rape (depending on what you are doing).

And please - if you're paying attention to your sub/victim you will know as soon as they are in real distress. I've been tied down, with little wriggle room, gagged and hooded. And yet the Dom has always known the moment I needed release. If you don't believe you'd know that moment, you need to pay more attention and learn how to read your sub better.

Of course, the police, the CPS and the courts are each in turn notoriously bad at successfully prosecuting any rape, let alone one that happened in a BDSM context. So, in reality, there really is probably nothing to worry about.

But if you don't want to be in actuality any of those bad things (whether or not prosecuted or legally found guilty), be certain you have consent. It really is that simple.

And I really hope that no-one reading the threads thinks they might not have the right to stop what's happening as soon as they need to. Because no always does mean no, even when we've replaced no with a safe word, a safe signal, or just our changed body language during play.

kitten_rose