Time Really Does Heal [Apr. 10]

I read my weblog from last year again, just now.

I wasn't feeling strong tonight, yet reading what I'd written last year, it made me realise, how far I really have come. After I wrote that last year, my world kind of imploded again, my job came to an end, and I had to fight for my sanity once again. And I did get it back. And I am now stronger.

Most days no-one, not even me, can see the cracks that I've plastered over. I know they're there, but mostly I can convince even myself that I've moved on from surviving to living... And that's a huge huge huge thing for me. Last year, I was only thinking about surviving...

It's an exciting time for me. My new job seems to be turning out ok, and I feel happy. I (re)met a lovely man, and it's new, and it seems to be going well (don't want to say too much, don't want to jinx it). He can't make it to Crimson on Saturday, so I want to ask all my friends to look out for me, make sure I'm ok, keep me distracted.... (But don't ask me to play, I won't be allowed to... - so nice to be able to say that!) 

I am worried about Saturday. But I know I'll be well looked after, I know that my friends will always do that, on Saturday and every day. And I know that my man will look after me too. I might be feeling panicky and alone, but I know I'm not. And so I know that feeling panicky and alone is just a passing feeling, and that I really am stronger, I really am OK, and I really will be OK.