Kinbaku is sex [Feb.2010]

The first time I enjoyed rope was at my first PRL when Nawa Koneko tied me up. Previously, I'd found being tied a little dull, waiting for the main act to start… That day I realised that rope could be much more, that it could get inside my head, that it could be exciting! It was dynamic, fluid, controlling, vibrant.

Since then, my journey with rope has evolved in ways I hadn't imagined. My understanding of rope is growing each time I play, learning to relax into it, take harder ties, trusting…

Recently I was lucky enough to be invited to a private class on Shibari Kinbaku. It was revelatory. It's not easy to put into words, so I hope I do the experience justice.

The class was really well structured, with a good balance of talk and context, and actual practical ropework. All the areas of Design, Technique and Interaction were covered and we discussed also the fourth area of Magic, the indefinable element that makes the scene great. I started to understand that it's impossible to just pick up a book and learn how to tie a knot, that there is much more to the Technique of tying than learning how to copy a Design. It takes practice, and more practice, and more practice, until the Design and how to achieve it, is second nature, an extension of yourself.

I found the background really important, to understand that in Japanese bondage, the role of the submissive is far from passive, and that the focus is on the submissive's experience as an output of the scene and therefore the importance of the role the submissive has in making it work for the Dominant. Everything the Dominant puts into the scene, should be seen on the submissive's face. Bondage is S&M – it shouldn't be comfortable, it's supposed to hurt. But it's also entirely about control, and is almost a perfect blending of D/s with S&M. Whilst I was not interested in learning how to tie for myself, my being there was hugely important in learning about the role I need to play to make the scene work better and to keep getting more out of the bondage experience.

If Shibari can loosely be translated as the Design and Technique of Japanese ropework, Kinbaku can be defined as the Interaction, which provides the dynamic elements of the scene, the melding into one of two beings; the sex. A good rope scene is like a dance, both submissive and Dominant playing their role, knowing their steps, feeding off one another, in their own world…

I don't know what the plans are to offer these classes more widely and I don't think they are for the absolute beginner; but I would definitely recommend them to anyone who is at all interested in taking their study of Japanese ropework further.