Enemas, Colonics & Abject Humiliation [July 2009]

aka, Detox, Day One...

So... many of you know that i am here in Thailand, Koh Phangan to be precise, on a little adventure of the soul for a few weeks... currently attempting detox. Some of you may have been following the blogs on the nomad site, but this is one i think only suitable for the not-so faint hearts that inhabit IC... i mean, my parents are reading the other one! 

Jeez... what a day! i feel as if i have fought a few wars, certainly a battle or two. First of all, i am not dealing with the heat very well. Please don't be expecting a tanned rose to return; the onset of prickly heat means i am mostly seeking refuge in my air-conditioned room. Secondly, mosquito bites have swollen to half my leg, both of them, with accompanying allergic fever type symptoms.. i add all this only to give context; it didn't start a good day!

So, 9.15 this morning i was due to have my first colonic. The idea is, you lie down, you insert a plastic straw type thing in your arse, and 5 litres of water are pumped through your insides whilst you poo at will. But could i get the plastic straw in? No freakin' way!

i totally hold up my hand and withdraw any kinkster credibility i may have had (i know, it was low cred before anyhow!). Its a tiny straw ffs! There has been a huge cock in it before now, and various butt plugs and i know there's been no action since THE THING, but i did check with a butt plug before i came away and all was well. Thing is, this whole detox thing is inextricably linked up in my head to the rape. Before the rape i was thin (for me). Since the rape i put on over 3 stone. Losing the weight, doing the detox, is about the rape, part of the cleansing and healing that still needs to be done, 15 months on. So, i have this damn straw and it won't go in and it feels just like it did when he was raping my arse. So, no wonder i freaked out, panicked and couldn't do it. This then accompanied by having to get the guy in charge in the room to show me how, me naked except for my bra, trying to get a frigging straw in my arse, crying and hyper-ventilating...

So, plan B was an enema. Also not exactly able to maintain the dignity. Me, on all fours, getting some rubber tube in my arse, him talking me through it, making sure the water went in. (i do wonder what he made of my whip scars which he must have seen?!) Having to maintain that position on the uncomfortable floor for supposedly 15 minutes before being able to 'let go' - i managed 9. But the rest of the detox group think i'm a champion for doing that, so i did achieve something.

This evening, was the second colonic of the day. And i did it! i didn't use the straw, i used the rubber tube (i think i am now a fan of rubber!) and it worked. What a strange horrible brilliant feeling! i am so glad i did it, in my panic this morning i thought it was one more thing that bastard would have over me, that i wouldn't be able to cleanse him away. But i will, and i have started, and i will finish the detox and be renewed!

There's a special person who got a 4am phone call (well, it wasn't 4am here), calmed me down and gave me the strength and willpower to keep trying today. Thank you, MichaelCane.  xxx