Every day in December i am taking a little note out of my self-made advent calendar... It's just 24 little notes that i've made myself and put in a random order, some of them telling me to go out and treat myself to something decadent, or eat chocolate, take a bath with candles, etc... Some of them reminding me of how immensely awesome i am... (
), some of them telling me to reconnect with friends or family i've lost touch with... Last year a friend did the notes for me, this year i did them myself...
), some of them telling me to reconnect with friends or family i've lost touch with... Last year a friend did the notes for me, this year i did them myself...
Today's little note told me to write a happy weblog.... Which is good timing as i am kind of in the mood to write a happy weblog.. i usually find the urge to 'splurge' on the interweb comes from a dark place... Happy times usually pass by without comment, and they really shouldn't be taken for granted. Happy times are to be treasured...
It's been a rollercoaster of a year. i remember how it started, in tears at Sweet Torments, so happy that 2008 was finally over and concerned at whether 2009 would be any better. Two men took care of me that night, one who held me whilst i cried, another who gave me the most painful foot massage ever.. Both those men have been so lovely, cruel, caring, evil, and did i say lovely, over the course of this year, i am truly lucky to have them both in my life...
January started off ok, with a little bravado, February was a melt-down month... March seemed happy, a short relationship with a man who ended up being not everything i thought he was... April was hard, very hard... May was amazing, special birthday surprise... June i left work, and July i went to Thailand and worked through a lot of stuff... August, September i re-built my life and my home, October, November, i'm starting to be comfortable in my own skin, reassessing my kink, focusing on the vanilla, trying to get back to work and some balance... Whilst still enjoying decadent fun in small (and sometimes not so small) doses...
So, yes, i'm looking forward to 2010 but this year has been one where i've learnt to be happy again. i always end up thanking my wonderful friends and honestly i would be nothing without them. But also, it's been down to me. i am a survivor, and i am mending myself. Bring on 2010, but 2009 didn't entirely suck! 
Happiness... it can be a bar of chocolate, or losing a pound on the scales... it can be a forced orgasm, or a sensual snog... it can be crisp autumnal air, or a warm summer breeze... it can be coming home to your own quiet space, or loud and noisy in the pub with good friends... it can be a job interview that goes well, or the bliss of lying in and having nowhere to go... it can be kissing a pretty girl, or being whipped relentlessly hard... it can be the vulnerability, the immobility, the bruises, the stinging, the tenderness - and it can be just being happy...
Yay! Being happy, it's a good thing, and it's not going to be such a rare thing, it's going to be here to stay...
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