Dropping aka Depression [posted as twisted_eros, Jan.09]

Well, i know why i've dropped. Had a very helpful chat on the phone to the best man in the world last night when i started dropping. And i'm calmer now, but i can't pull out of it. Not at work. And given how tenuous that job is at the moment, i really should be. They think i'm working from home and there's a lot to be done, so might not be going to bed tonight as i haven't started yet. But i don't really care. It's like i want to lose everything, so i can justify being like this. Although, i think there's enough to justify it anyway, and mostly i think i'm doing really well, as i still keep trying. But, if it was down to me, really i wouldn't try anymore. Knowing how my friends would feel, and my family, keeps me trying. When i was a Samaritan they said this point was the most dangerous stage, when you're on the way up, but fall down and have the energy to question why you keep trying. So, i know why i've dropped at this moment. i know why this is a difficult stage for depression recovery. i know things CAN get better. But logic and emotion rarely meet, and i just want to run away to a different life because i'm really not a fan of this one. And i want a hug. A real one, not a virtual one.