Self-Domination [Jan.2010]

aka, the obligatory resolutions weblog... 

Self-domination is something I used to be quite good at. I was excellent at the buckling down and doing what needed to be done, and generally had quite an excellent life as a result.. (Or maybe, there wasn't any correlation at all, but I like to think so...) Recently, almost definitely correlating with my time on the scene, I have lost the motivation for self-domination and have tended instead to cede that responsibility to others.

I've come to a turning point however. It's time for self-domination to rise again. (At what point does a slippery slope become an avalanche into a deep pit...?) I am taking control and I am actually going to force myself to be a mature, adult, responsible (kind of) member of society... It's time I grew up.

The key resolutions are here, recorded to remind me, for others to berate me over when I slip and for me to read and smile at my achievements come the end of this year...

No.1 is a short term goal. For the whole of January (starting tomorrow) I will detox. This means no alcohol (which started from the time I went to sleep on NYE) and no drugs (not even ibruprofen, I have to be actually ill); no coffee, no tea, no coca cola, as in no caffeine; no wheat, no dairy, no red meat, no chocolates, no sweets. By 1 February I should be a new woman! (If I'm totally honest, this resolution is going to be hard one... I've been using food, alcohol and other stimulants to take the edge off being around myself... As a lovely friend said to me, maybe I'll figure out I'm good company just as me... As another friend said, maybe I'll build up a pain tolerance that is real...)

No.2 is a medium term goal. By the time of my 37th birthday (wow! It's weird just to say that... Thankfully I still don't look it, but I am waiting to wake up one morning and suddenly look my age...), by the time of my birthday, I want to be able to run for 30 minutes without stopping, be 8st and something, and generally feel fit. This goal will also aid my kink, I hope to be more bendy and supple for when lovely rope men want to tie me up! 

No.3 is a financial goal. Currently unemployed and running out of cash, I want to be financially solvent by the year end, and that includes having paid back all the Job Seekers I've been claiming by donating that amount to charity. I want a job that I enjoy (or at the very least maintains my rather high expectation of a standard of living), and I want to have afforded a proper holiday. I have not been enjoying worrying about money and I love my little cosy flat. I want to keep it.

No.4 is about my family and friends. Some of you know that I don't have the best of relationships with my family and that recently I've tended to stop attempting to change that... So I intend to continue trying for better relationships with my mother, my father and my brother. I also don't think I've been the best of friends. In recent times I've been rather self-centred and focused on all my own private troubles. I am going to get over myself and be there more for my friends. I'm also going to widen my social interests. Writing CV's and trying to figure out what to put down for interests and hobbies, I realise that kink has been dominating... This doesn't mean you won't see me around, but it might mean you see me less...

No.5 is more an ambition than a resolution. But by the end of the year I really hope to have met a man and be in a fulfilling relationship with him.

Additional resolutions include a continuing exploration of my kink and various activities and torments I've not yet experienced... I aim to be more open to new adventures, new sensations and new emotions...

2009 was a difficult year, up and down, sometimes very down, sometimes very up. Despite everything, 2009 ended brilliantly and that is entirely due to the truly wonderful friends I've been lucky enough to be surrounded by. 2010 appears to have started with a bang; I feel good things will happen, and if they don't, I intend to be more resilient and cope well as life throws it's little curve balls out... But, yes, good things will happen...